Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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