dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
