Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
