im about as happy as oj after his trial
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sext me about skeletons
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
