First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
