We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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