im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
