yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
