My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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