the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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