the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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