she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
