When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
