why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
there is glitter all over my balls
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
