so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
