Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
