if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
