I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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