got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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