Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
