The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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