Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
