How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
