I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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