I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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