sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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