We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
