I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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