hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
