there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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