She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
