i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
