I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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