How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
