have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
