btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
