You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
