party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
