Three words: puerto rican gang bang
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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