dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
