i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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