Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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