what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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