mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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