textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
