weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
