Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize