Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
