You're so nebulous sometimes
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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