Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Screwed.edu
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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