My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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