Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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