I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
