he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
