The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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