I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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