I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
