Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
