Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
