Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
