Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
