just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
