she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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