you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
