i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My breasts were aching with rage.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
