Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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