the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
