I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish you could order shots online.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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