Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
whose parrot is this?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
