The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
