my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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