; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
