Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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