it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
