exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
