My hand turned me down
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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