I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
