i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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