she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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