do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
