I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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