I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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