DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
