i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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