his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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