What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize