I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
