Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need to sanitize my soul.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
