I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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