he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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