Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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