apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
