Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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