Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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