He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize