The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Text me some of your sweat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
