I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
